Hello everyone! I'm Rita Gehman, with Intuitive Woods, and this question is from Rob.
Okay, let's see here.
He is asking... he has a long term girlfriend for six years and apparently they're not married yet and he wants to know if he needs to push for sex, because he wants more sex, but he wants to know if he needs to push for sex or if pushing would be too much, if it would be pushing over the line.
Okay, this is a very good question, and it's a question that a lot of guys I think have, but they don't feel comfortable asking, because they're afraid of the answer being No No No! Don't push her! Don't worry about that!
First of all, Rob, I want to say that if you've been with your girlfriend for six years, I sure hope you have a plan for marriage. I sure hope you have a plan for asking her. It's fine if you guys have talked about this, but if you have not talked about this, you may want to have a conversation with her about it. You may have to develop a plan. Maybe think about a proposal or something like that!
So, there is that aspect of it.
A woman will feel more amorous when she feels more secure. So, security helps women feel better. They have to feel secure in their environment, and they also have to feel secure within themselves. So think of those two things.
Right now, you're part of her environment, but also loving you as she does, you're part of her inner world, you're part of her sense of herself.
So, it's important that you understand that her desire to be wanted and loved goes hand in hand with her desire to have sex.
I'm assuming that she's not some needy, having sex with anybody to get love, so assuming that she is a well adjusted female, which most women are, most men are well adjusted men, assuming that's the case, then we're looking at a woman who has been with you for six years. Maybe the sex has become a little monotonous or not as often, maybe she's kind of thinking of it as a long term relationship which will hopefully come to marriage at some point, but she's kind of already acting like you're in the middle of a marriage. You've been married for a few years.
So, first of all, you need to make sure that you think about the proposal and you think about moving forward with the relationship. And do not tie sex with that. Do not tie those two things together. And if she promises things like that, don't take it too seriously, not because she wouldn't follow through, but because women still need to feel secure internally and externally when they have sex.
They need to feel secure in both worlds. If they don't, then they tend to kind of not be sure. They tend to have sex in desperation or they tend to withdraw from sex completely.
Okay, now if you're already having sex with her, you're just not having as much as you want, that's a different aspect. You can just ask to rev it up. You can step up your game a little bit. Come on, Rob! I mean, step up your game!
Women respond to men going all out for them.
So, step up your game, and keep it consistent.
It's okay to do special events and things like that, and you should do that, you should step up your game in that area, but also think of ways that you can kind of consistently keep your game at a higher level, from here on out.
It will add more interest to her life. She will feel richer, and that will definitely factor in levels of security, and a sense of self, self worth, and like that.
Now, of course, it's important to understand that everybody needs to have self worth within themselves, but they're romantic partner is really close. It's not like the level of YOU. You have to develop your own sense of self worth, and so does she. But your romantic partner is your complement. In a lot of places, they're your opposite gender, but even in same sex marriages and relationships, there's a complimentary aspect to it. So they are strengthening you in ways in which you may be weak.
So, if she doesn't feel secure in her relationship with you, or if you do not know her love language.... Rob, I would really recommend you go out and you get a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
It's a really good book, and if you don't have the same love language as she does, then it will help you understand what her love language is, and you can connect with her more. And help her understand that you need more sex, more often!
Make sure that you have a proposal down and planned, or that you guys have talked about it and had a conversation and that you know where you're going. And have a plan! Don't just kind of meander along, thinking Oh! It will happen someday!
Don't pull that shit with women. We don't appreciate that half-assed approach. Think of ways to not only spike stepping up your game in special events and things with friends and family and things like that, things that make her feel special and appreciated, women really want to feel appreciated, but also think of ways to step up your game in realistic little increments where you can keep it consistently that way.
It will help make you feel better as a man, and it will make her feel better as a woman, and the two of you will be able to grow together, rather than just plateauing.
Rob, I really recommend that you push a little bit. You let her know what you need, but don't tie that with any type of reciprocation. Just tell her what you need. Tell her what you need. Tell her why you need it.
If she understands, then great! Your problem is fixed.
But, if she doesn't understand, then this could be an emotional issue. It could be tied to the fact that you're not married yet. You've been together for six years. Maybe you did have a plan, and maybe she doesn't feel like you're following through on the plan. Maybe she feels like you're not actually about to implement the plan.
Get the ball rolling!
Come on, Rob! Step up! Step up to the plate!
Alright, guys, I'm Rita Gehman with Intuitive Woods. Please subscribe below!
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