Tuesday, October 4, 2016

How Sex and Emotions Affect Each Other



Hello everyone! I'm Rita Gehman, with Intuitive Woods.
And this video is about sex and emotions.
How they affect each other.
Okay, guys, my channel is about building security, building personal security, through understanding of life.
So, I hope I'm always building your personal security in my channel.
Okay, now, back to the subject at hand.
Sex and emotions involve so many back and forth components.
First of all, on the one hand, we have sexual activity which is, Oh, God! It feels so good. It's wonderful! It's great! It feels fantastic.
And a lot of people, when they first start having sex, they first start having sex for purely pleasurable reasons.
No other reasons.
Also, if you're attracted to somebody and you're really turned on by them, then having sex with that particular person... that's what sex is for you.
It's not sex with anyone. It's sex with that particular person who is so attracted to you, whether you're married to them or not at the time that you first have sex with them.
And then, on the other side, you have your emotions. You have your emotional connection. You have your heart connection.
How you feel about the other person. How you feel about yourself. How you feel about sex itself, sexual activity.
How you feel about sex within your culture, within your religion, within your society, within your views of right and wrong, within your views of God and what He would want, all the different aspects of emotional connection that can be supportive of each other and also those emotions can also be conflicting, where you love the other person. Maybe you're even married to the other person.
But, on the other end, you were told as a child, God does not want you to have sex before you're ready or before marriage or whatever. So, somehow, you have this idea of sex being associated with sin.
So, even though you may be married or even though those things may technically be resolved within yourself, you may not feel resolved about that.
Okay, sex and emotions are a little bit like a ping pong ball. No pun intended!
It's a little bit like a ping pong ball that is bouncing back and forth between your sexual life and your emotional life.
Your sexuality is one of your life forces. It is one of the things that make your life just pop!
Again, no pun intended.
It is what makes your life so enriching, so powerful, so strong. Some of the other things that make your life like that are your family, your friends, your children, your parents, your significant other, your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, or wife. Other things that make your life feel like that are your work if you really love your work or your career. You really love being that person.
And your sense of self. What you think about yourself. How you think of yourself as a person. How, mmm, I'm strong, I'm motivated, I have this spirit, I have this vivaciousness, this risk, this risk assessment, this comfort with risk, this strength. Maybe you have a soft heart, and you're that kind of person, and you're kind and you're gentle and you're good to people.
So, your view of yourself also affects how you have sex.
Maybe you're a good girl or a good boy, and sex is the forbidden fruit. This exciting new thing.
And maybe sex for you is that, until it stops being exciting, but by that time, maybe you're in a more committed state.
So, that's a very healthy way of looking at sex,
if you're that type of person and you see things in that way.
It's not that sex is bad or that sex is associated with evil beings like forbidden fruit, but sex is good, and if you're seeing it in that healthy light and way, and then you see it in a more committed way later on, when the excitement wears off, that's a very healthy way of adjusting to changes in your perspective about sex.
On the other hand, if you're kind of a bad boy or a bad girl and maybe you like how exciting sex is in the beginning, and you're not sure what to do with it after it becomes more stable and more steady.
Or, the opposite can be true.
You may think that sex is always boring in the beginning, but the more you practice it, the more you work at it, the more you can really jump up your game with this person.
I will say that sex with one person increases with pleasure with that person over time.
So, if you ever have the situation where you have bad sex in the beginning, don't worry about it.
The sex will increase with more practice with that particular person.
Even if you're really good at sex, even if you have a reputation for being good at sex, in the beginning you may have bad sex or awkward sex or just not as good as you normally are with one particular person, but if you practice sex with that particular person, they'll get better at it with you, you'll get better at it with them, and that unique situation of you with that particular person will just spiral upward and it will be really great.
Okay, so let's talk about how sex and emotions can affect each other positively and negatively.
When you have conflicting emotions about sex and about what you're doing with sex, that is the biggest thing that can fuck you up.
It has very little to do with how you're having sex or whether or not you're having sex. Because, actually, you can not be having sex and still have conflicting emotions about sex.
So, over here, in the emotional category, if you're not able to think about, Okay, how do I feel about these different things? Why do I feel those things?
Did those beliefs serve me at another time, but they don't serve me anymore?
Do I now need to get rid of some of those beliefs?
Be self aware of conflicting emotions about sex. It's one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And for your sexual partner.
One of the best things you can think of is, Okay, how was I raised to think about sex?
How was I raised to think about sex in legitimate terms and in illegitimate terms?
How was I raised to think about sex with the person I'm currently with, about my husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, or just a fling, a one night stand.
So, it's important for you to be aware of how you view your sexual history, and your emotional sexual history.
It's also important for you to be aware of how you would like to feel about sex.
Because we all view sex in very different ways.
Some people want to view sex in a very sacred way. It's a very sacred, private, special thing that should only occur between two people and it should not be taken lightly and it should not be done lightly.
And some people want to view sex as one of the aspects of a whole spectrum of their overall, whole sexuality, and that their sexuality should be exercised at all times, whether it is sexual speech, sexual dress, actual sexual acts, and all of the spectrum of their sexuality.
They bring that to the forefront of their world and they show their power and their forcefulness and their strength and they own themselves in this way.
So, it's important that you really, truly own who you are as a person.
It's important that you understand how you view sex now and how you would like to ideally view sex on your own terms, outside of God, outside of religion, outside of family, outside of community, outside of all the things that are also influencing you and that have influenced your emotional history of sex. It's important to know how, Okay, how would I like to view sex?
Just me. Nothing inside of these walls but me. Just me.
And to be self aware of that.
You may have to make some decisions as to say, You know what? I used to think this, and I used to think this was the case, but I don't think that anymore. I don't think sex is bad anymore. I don't think that sex is purely a marital thing anymore. Or, I don't think that sex is a sin anymore. Or, I don't think that a woman can't initiate sex anymore. Or that a man can't be more sexually aggressive if he would like to be in the bedroom and his woman is okay with it, or his partner is okay with it.
So, guys, it's important for you to understand what beliefs about sex that you may have had about situations about yourself, and that you may need to evaluate those beliefs and say, Okay, are those beliefs still serving me?
If they're not still serving me, what can I do to alter them or get rid of them or do something to where I now feel like I'm being served completely by all my beliefs.
Guys, you do not serve your beliefs.
Your beliefs serve you.
Your beliefs serve you.
So, when you look at your beliefs, they have to be things that serve you and that make you feel better and make you stronger and more powerful and stronger and more fulfilled and more well rounded versions of yourself.
They are not there for other people, other people telling you what you should be doing. They're there for you to say, Okay, What do I determine? What are my rules? What is my personal assessment of laws and what my rules are? What do I want out of sex? What do I want out of the feeling about sex?
How do I feel about sex? And what do I want to feel about it?
So, guys, when you're looking at sex and emotions, a lot of it has very little to do with the actual sexual act.
I say this, having a lot of experience in this area, in both ways that I was happy with how my sexual connection affected my emotions and how I was unhappy with it.
I was always very self aware as to how I'm being affected by that, emotionally and non emotionally. There are times when I wanted a one night stand and I knew why I wanted one. And there were times when I wanted a relationship before I had sex, I wanted a good, solid, strong relationship before I had sex with that person, and I knew why I wanted that.
But, I didn't start out that way, guys.
I started out not really knowing and just experimenting with a lot of different ways, and understanding what I wanted then, and then as I grew, you know, your wants and your needs and your desires shift to different areas in your life.
And so, throughout my life, speaking personally, throughout my life, my view of sex shifted and has altered and it's been different depending upon what I personally needed at that time. And what I knew and what I was aware of the fact that I needed.
I never just jumped into something or jumped into some decision without thinking about why I'm making this decision. Why am I doing what I'm doing? And I was always very aware of these things.
So, guys, I would love to hear your thoughts about sex and emotions. How sex affected your emotions, positively or negatively, and how your emotions affected your sex life, either positively or negatively.
I would love to hear your personal stories.
I know the rest of my viewers would love to hear them, as well, and to learn from your personal experiences.
Not just mine, but yours, as well!
So, please, comment below.
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