Monday, September 12, 2016

A Christian Girl Dating Muslim Men


A Christian Girl Dating Muslim Men
           
Growing up in a somewhat poor, but very polite, well-bred, white, Anglican society, I had a total of zero encounters with “Ay-rabs,” as my brother liked to call them. I was taught how to behave in polite, white society, and that is only society I was exposed to.
Enter the Internet, during my teen years.
I fell with a *Thump!* into multicultural interactions with men online. Then, college at a top-tier public university enmeshed me with the best roommates and the best Hindu and Muslim men a girl could date.
1.      Don’t Pit Your Religion against Your Date’s Religion
Even a pre-law major will know not to discuss something as personal to them as their perception of and relationship with God. Don’t do it. Avoid the curiosity and competitiveness brought on by your particular personality. Avoid it completely!
Instead, foster an attitude of openness and genuine acceptance for the pool that both religions swim in. Allow yourself to see both belief systems in a larger cosmic whole, and accept this larger, more expansive picture as part of your truth.
2.      When in Conflict, give Compromise, and then Perspective
If social traditions and personal bias should, indeed, rear their heads (as they so often do, when unbidden), don’t keep arguing your point! It will be harsh, extreme, overly aggressive, and will sound too biased… even when you are sure that it does not. It always comes across this way to other people, because you are speaking from a much stronger force of nature within you than you normally do.
Instead, back away from the subject and distance yourself from it. Then compromise their point of view a little bit. And follow this up with giving a more expansive, generic perspective on the matter. An example would look like this, “Oh, it’s okay that you don’t believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I agree with you that he’s a great prophet. I enjoy studying all of our shared prophets, as well. We don’t have to agree on that point. Christianity and Islam have much more in common than they are different! I like both of our religions.”
3.      Connect with Their Family on Shared Interests and Avoid Differences
Chances are, if you meet your Muslim man’s family, things are a little further along than just casual dating. If, however, he wants to get their opinion of you before he makes a BIG decision about your relationship, he may introduce you sooner rather than later.
In either case, it is important to know in what areas to hold your own, and in what areas to defer to his family’s traditions and values. In all shared interests, such as cooking, eating, celebrities, electronics, higher education, etc. always interact with them on these topics as heavily as you can. If you love cooking and food, then allow yourself to be swept into the kitchen by his mother or sisters. Sample the food, help with the preparation, ooh and ah over the dishes, and express your delight with everything. This is especially important if you do not speak the same language as they speak.
In areas where you do not have shared interests, such as the religious divide, a cultural divide, and a language divide, avoid these topics altogether. If his family wishes to discuss these matters with you, shrug your shoulders and smile, and say, “I accept his traditions completely.” Avoid areas of potential problems, such as future interests. If someone asks you, “How will the children be raised?” simply smile and say, “They will be raised by both of us, and they will respect both of our traditions.”
Leave it at that.
You may have a plan, and your boyfriend may have a different plan, but none of this matters, because you will both work this out later on, between the two of you. For now, though, keep his family at bay by heavily connecting with them on shared interests, and staying emotionally distant and at peace on difference.
In conclusion, don’t worry too much or invest emotionally in how things will turn out with your Muslim man. We all have ideas for how to approach future subjects, but they may work themselves out or turn out differently than we expected. Allow this change to occur, and enjoy yourself in his arms!
is especially important if you do not speak the same language as they speak.

In areas where you do not have shared interests, such as the religious divide, a cultural divide, and a language divide, avoid these topics altogether. If his family wishes to discuss these matters with you, shrug your shoulders and smile, and say, “I accept his traditions completely.” Avoid areas of potential problems, such as future interests. If someone asks you, “How will the children be raised?” simply smile and say, “They will be raised by both of us, and they will respect both of our traditions.”

Leave it at that.

You may have a plan, and your boyfriend may have a different plan, but none of this matters, because you will both work this out later on, between the two of you. For now, though, keep his family at bay by heavily connecting with them on shared interests, and staying emotionally distant and at peace on difference.

In conclusion, don’t worry too much or invest emotionally in how things will turn out with your Muslim man. We all have ideas for how to approach future subjects, but they may work themselves out or turn out differently than we expected. Allow this change to occur, and enjoy yourself in his arms!